Spy Game
by Hun in the Sun
Summary: Nothing is perfect in this world. Not even intelligence agencies. Not even the CIA. And they just made the mistake of the century, getting two teens into their shenanigans instead of their own operatives.
1. A little mixup

For anyone trying to sue me (the others can jump over it): This story was solely written for my own and other people's amusement and I don't get any benefit from it. (For people with fewer brains: I don't get any cash, loot, money, green etc. from it.) All the characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi not me. Thank you.

Now that the legal stuff is out of the way time to be less formal. Long time since I did anything in the writing business. So I might be a bit rusty. Hopefully I'm not THAT rusty. My old e-mail got hacked, and I'm locked out of my original account so time to start anew. Hope you like the story. Have fun!

* * *

 **Chapter: 1 A little mixup**

* * *

It was the Guerrilla ruled jungles, Columbia, South-America. Home of drug lords and hopefull communist revolutionaries. A place normaly ruled by wildlife.

Not today!

The wilderness of the rain forest was disturbed by several explosions that were followed each other close by. Several rounds of gunshots followed as the battle continued. Huge walls of flames flashed up here and there across the the landscape, as well hidden explosives discharged their lethal power. The explosions were immediately followed by screams of their victims.

The sporadic gunfire became rampant. Everyone was shooting at anything that moved. Chaos at its finest was at work, where even friends were killing each other in fear for their own life.

Among all this destruction a young woman was setting up yet another trap. On first look someone would never think how dangerous this woman was. Her face resembled the one of a teen and didn't give away that she was actually already in her late twenties. With a flick of her hand she tore the wig she wore off her head to remove the annoyance caused by the fake long tendrils. She preferred her hair short, but on infiltration it usually paid off to play the innocent and frail young girl. The idiots always fell for it. She tossed the accessory aside and kept on working.

With skilled economic movements she pulled out a wire and tied it to a tree. With her next move she fastened the other end of it to the safety pin of a grenade that has been already prepared. Then she took off swiftly but silently. Only the light movement of the leaves gave it away that there was someone there seconds ago, and even this evidence was only there to keep the attention of the guerrillas from the trap. Those arrived a few seconds later just as the woman planned. They saw the movements of the leaves charged on and right into the trap thinking that they will catch their target.

Of course they pulled the wire by "accident" and the grenade exploded without further ado. The victims were torn to shreds. The young woman kept on moving. She accidentally stumbled into two of her assailants. One of the men didn't even have time to react. She grabbed his head and twisted. The man fell to the ground lifeless. His partner managed to fire off a burst, but it was no use. She dived to the side without slowing down and stabbed him in the stomach. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her feral grin. Within a second the blade was at his throat ending the engagement.

The woman kept on moving without the slightest thought. She pulled two small electronic devices from her pocket and threw one of those on the ground and kept moving. At the same time she lifted the other one to her mouth and pushed a button. "How's it going over there Rokuro?" she said.

There were a few seconds of silence as she kept on running; the only thing that could be heard was the rustling of leaves and the yells of the rebels. Then a masculine voice answered. "Don't worry about it sugar you know that I can look after myself."

"Hey it's my sole right to be worried about my husband!" she responded.

"You don't need to be worried about me. Just a few wannabe soldiers are only good for a morning exercise." came the response. This was accompanied by the sound of the screams of a few dying guerrillas, as he himself was making his way across the jungle and stumbling into some unfortunate supporters of the revolution.

He turned around and lifted his gun. Blue eyes scanning the thick bushes for signs of movement. He took aim and fired. Two shots were met with no answer the targets were dead before they hit the ground. The third shot was followed by a scream, he smiled. The live one will slow down one or two allies. A feminine laugh came from his communicator "No I'm worried that some lunatic gets into your way."

He chuckled.

"Too bad that there are many of those. You know I hate killing!" responded the man. He heard voices from the left and quickly jumped up into one of the trees. Seconds later a batch of soldiers emerged from the thick shrub. They were nervous and tried to check every corner, but they forgot to look up. Just when they were about to move on the man fell from the tree landing between them. They didn't have the slightest chance. Every movement of him meant a death. The air was filled with the sickening sounds of flesh being torn to pieces, bones breaking, last gasps before death. Some of the guerillas started to run, but they couldn't get far. All this didn't even take ten seconds and the man was out of site once again. "Dear I think we're far enough from that camp."

"You're reading my thoughts!" answered the woman. Seconds later the forest was filled by yet another explosion far stronger than the others before. Half a mile away a huge pillar of fire rose up from between the trees. The guerrillas came to an abrupt hold and all of them stared back towards the pillar knowing well that it was the powder storage of their former base that just went up along with their ammunition, their superiors, their livelihood, their ideals, their dreams, all of it gone. Seconds later they resumed their search, with renewed ferocity, thirsty for revenge.

They kept up till nightfall, but they found nothing. The strangers disappeared along with their hard "earned" money. The revolution was finished in the country.

* * *

Same time, Tendo Household, something different, less violent, but just as painful was unraveling

"Ranma! You pervert!" hollered a female voice.

"Hey it wasn't me who forgot to hang out the occupied sign!" responded a male voice.

Seconds later there was a huge crash someone left the building on a steep trajectory. Soon the poor sod landed several streets away. This time on a roof. The tiles weren't strong enough to take the impact. They quickly broke to pieces giving free access to the attic, even there the attic floor wasn't strong enough to stop the fall, next came the living quarters of the home. More accurately, the main hall of the home.

Ranma slowly climbed out of the rubble coughing, he whipped some sooth from his hair. He hated when that happened to him. It was more frequent than he liked. People were starting to complain. When he looked up he was greeted by the sight of a really angry house owner. The guy was holding a baseball bat in one hand and a metal pole in the other. The boy slowly started to back away from the man, but his movements were stopped when he felt a female form glomping onto him.

When the boy turned his head around he saw that it was Shampoo who got hold of him. What the girl didn't know was that while clinging onto her beloved "airen" she was holding him in place for the incoming blows. Ranma desperately tried to get away from the deadly hold, but he didn't have the lightest chance. The owner of the home didn't need any further encouragement, the anger was enough. He went to work.

A few minutes later both he and the Amazon girl were sitting out on the street. Shampoo couldn't care any less, as she continued to hang onto the young martial artist with hands and feet. She didn't really care about his state. The most important thing was that at that second he was hers and only hers.

Thanks to some incredible wonder, and much to Ranma's dismay, for one time out of a thousand Ryoga made it to take the correct turn. He walked right into the two. The boy sighed as he saw the part time pig move into his field of vision. It was one of those days. He started to count. "Five, four, three, two, one."

"RANMA PREPARE TO DIE!" came the familiar scream, as the ever-lost boy lunged forward with killing intent. His target wasn't in the mood for a fight at all. He turned and attempted to use the well-known Secret Saotome technique known as fast break. His dash was cut short when he noticed the punch that was originally aimed at him could easily hit the girl hanging on his neck. He stopped, and took it. The boy was catapulted forward and flew right into a deep puddle that remained from the last rain.

The scream of the male martial artist was soon replaced by the scream of a female one, as she tried to shake a meowing part-time-cat-Amazon from her head. "Come back here you coward!" hollered Ryoga. Of course Ranma didn't hear a single word of what was said, or rather hollered behind him as he kept on running trying to shake Shampoo from his back. She was too busy screaming in fear.

As Ranma kept running she didn't notice that in her panicked state she was running right in the direction of the Kuno estate. Not that she cared at the moment. With her speed it didn't take long to reach the gates of the huge mansion.

Kodachi Kuno looked up from her work with her darling poisonous flowers. The screams of terror couldn't be overheard. Her lips curl up into a smirk. "That blasted peasant is here again! It's time for my revenge!" she declared followed by her usual nerve chilling laugh.

Tatewaki Kuno stopped in the middle of his training when he heard the scream of his beloved. Of course he immediately rushed to the door to meet the pig tailed godess. All the time Ranma was still trying to get rid of Shampoo who by now attached herself to the red haired girl's head using her claws, eliciting even louder resistance from her ride.

As he or rather she kept running along the street her senses suddenly started to scream at her to dodge. Being a talented martial artist and all he immediately acted and jumped to the side, just in time to avoid the batch of deadly two foot long needles. She didn't wait to see who war responsible. She just wanted to get out.

The part time girl kept on running and was soon confronted by Kodachi who was charging at her with a gymnast hoop. Ranma successfully dodged the attackes, which cut through the concrete walls of the Kuno mansion behind him like a hot knife would pass through butter.

In the very same second the male Kuno also stepped out into the open. "Pig tailed girl! My love come to me and we shall write history together in the art of feelings." he declared ceremoniously. Ranma couldn't care less she kept on moving. Kuno who waited with open hands received quite a shock when his "love" literally ran him over. Seconds later Ryoga and Kodachi followed Ranma's example and charged over the stunned kendoist. After the stampede left, Kuno remained on the ground with a funny smile on his face. "My pigtailed goddess so beautiful, so full of life." he mumbled to nobody as he lost conscious.

Ranma kept on running trying to shake his pursuers. He didn't have a lot of success. His way led him to Ucchan's and with his luck he found Mousse there, who was busy trying to find out what the okonumiyaki chef might be up to. Of course the Amazon male completely forgot everything when he saw his darling Shampoo hanging onto Ranma's red hair. "Prepare to die you enslaver of women!" hollered the part time duck throwing himself at the desperate girl. In the process he alarmed Ukyo to the presence of her beloved Ranchan. She threw the ordered food in front of her customer and charged out onto the street to meet up with her beloved.

The chase kept up for at least another hour till Ranma finally couldn't take Kitty-Shampoo's close proximity and started to meow. The rest is brutal history.

It was already evening when she finally returned home, the girl turned boy was full of bruises, and smaller cuts, but thanks to some strange force he managed to keep standing. He found the entire Tendo family and her father sitting in front of the television. Soun was holding something that appeared to be a lottery ticket while staring at the TV with hopeful eyes as the numbers were being drawn.

Ranma didn't bother around to make her presence known and started to climb the stares. As far as she was concerned lottery was something stupid. The chance of winning was almost nothing and if someone does win the problems of having too much money arises. In short a lose-lose situation.

As the boy started to climb the stairs Kasumi was the only one who noticed his presence. "Ranma! I saved a few things from dinner for you!" she called out. The redhead martial artist was immediately revitalized when she heard the news. She charged into the kitchen with at a speed few people possess. Genma tried to follow her but a kick ensured that this meal will all belong to the younger Saotome.

"Is that any way to treat your elders?" asked Genma in a high-pitched voice while clutching to his softest spot.

"Let me put it this way pop." answered the boy. "I should've used more power! You can still talk!"

"And the first number is!" called out the commentator. "Twenty-seven!" Soun's hopes immediately melted away. As the numbers were called up one after the other. The hopes he harboured for fortune completely destroyed. Nabiki already headed up to her room when the commentator announced that this week there is a special prize. At first she shrugged it off believing that it will be something like a feather duster or something like that.

"The happy owner of this ticket will win an all inclusive trip for himself and his entire family to Thailand, Phuket..." This caught the girl's attention and she quickly hurried back.

Ranma emerged from the kitchen pouring some hot water on his head to return to his more preferred form. "Much better!" he murmured to himself, and with a flick of his hand threw the used cup back into the room. The plastic utensil landed in the sink with a fake thud followed by some clatter as it bounced around,before comming to a rest. With a satisfied smirk he headed off to the living room.

By the time he got to his destination he was vacuuming his food at a steady pace. He sat down to watch how things will continue. He knew well that there's no chance that the one lousy paper on the Table will be the winner. All these things were set up. Rigged. Most probably a close relative of the lottery firm's president will be the "lucky" one. It's just too obvious.

On the TV screen a huge fishbowl was pushed into the studio that held the number of every ticket sold across the country. "I kinda feel sorry for the shark that had to give up his fishbowl." he remarked with a sarcastic voice.

Every other person in the room, except for the immobile Genma, "Shh"-ed at him then quickly turned back to the television. The boy shook his head "Ah, come on guys you know how much of a chance we have. Those guys are making bigger scams than Nabiki."

Akane pulled out her trusty mallet.

The old worn device held the words "Baka basher" embedded in it's side, under which there were several red skulls signifying that there were quite a few poor souls who had the pleasure to meet this piece of fine wood workmanship.

The boy glared at her. The girl glared back. Few seconds later he let out a frustrated groan. "All right, all right! I'm in no mood for another flight!" he spat.

The paper has been drawn and the TV man started to read it up. The Tendo's crossed their fingers with hope written on their faces. "...and the number of the winner is double o, four, six, three, eight, three, zero, four."

"Heh! I told you we won't win!" remarked Ranma as he finished the last crumbles of rice. "Uncute tomboy!"

Soun Tendo checked the ticket one last time, before erupting into a victorious scream. "We've won we've won!" he hollered, loud enough for half of Nerima to hear. The sounds of victory were enough to bring Genma out of his dazed state and he soon joined the family celebration.

As for Ranma? He had already left. Akane's mallet was faster!

* * *

Three weeks passed before the prize could be claimed. Sound Tendo gave Nabiki the tedious task to find a way to get both the Saotome and Tendo families onto the ride. Some favours, some blackmail, got the job done. Now everyone was ready for the trip.

Tokyo's Narita airport was busy as ever, filled with local workers, businessmen, and your everyday tourists. Everybody was coming and going attending to their tasks and goals. Among this tumult there was a strange sight. A huge mountain of luggage was walking among the crowd. Strangely the mountain had legs.

"Aww man I knew this will happen!" cursed Ranma under the weight of the combined luggage of the entire Tendo and Saotome household. He knew it right at the beginning that this will be only a vacation for the others, not for him.

On the other hand not having the full Nerima fiancée brigade after him is something he was really looking forward to. What the boy didn't know was that in the morning the main terminal of the airport gained an Amazon shaped hole. The Kuno private jet was preparing to leave because of important matters, and Ucchan's temporally moved out of the country. To make it all perfect there was a strange duck with glasses preparing to fly south in the middle of summertime.

"Stop grumbling boy! You're supposed to be a man! Take all this as training! I don't want you softening up." growled Genma.

"Just wait till I'm rid of these stuff and we land!" grumbled Ranma promising a big beating to his father.

"Bring it on son!" retorted Genma raising his fist.

The boy was about to respond when he saw that two of the suitcases on his load took off on their own. "Not on my watch!" he called out, as a middle-aged guy was making a quick getaway. He immediately dropped his pile and charged after the man. "Get back here!" he hollered.

Akane wasn't far behind. "Wait up Ranma!" she yelled flinging her mallet.

The thief now recognized that he's in trouble, but kept on running not knowing that two overpowered Martial artists were chasing him.

At the same time two people looking almost like Akane and Ranma left their flight. They were hugging each other as they slowly moved out of the exit hatch. They stopped once they entered the terminal they turned to face each other and leaned closer to share a kiss. To their luck Soun and Genma were not there because they would have been married a second time in their lives for sure. "Darling..." whispered the woman into her husbands ear as the two parted. "...did you talk to our boss about the time we want to take off?" asked the woman.

"Well my dear we've been taking out super villains for three years by now. I think we deserve a little rest. I heard you can make a great life as a millionaire on the Caribbean isles... There's no need to report in on the money we liberated." responded the man with a small chuckle. "Besides Mad Dog owns us a few favours. I couldn't get him on the phone, but I sent him a mail. He already gave the green light."

"I think you just had a great idea! So where to? Cayman islands?" asked the woman.

"I think that's a wonderful idea my love." answered the man hugging the woman tighter.

Ranma and Akane were in close pursuit of the thief. The man tossed the bags over to a female in an attempt to divert the attention from him. The woman immediately started to run in a different direction. "I'll get the thief you go after his girlfriend!" yelled Akane. The thief didn't get much further. A half a minute later she was stamping a new skull on her weapon as the local police were taking the criminal into custody. And calling for an ambulance at the same time.

Ranma on the other hand had it really bad. It was a fact that he'll catch the fleeing woman, but there was a huge crowd blocking his way and he had to fight his way across. This nullified his advantage. In the end the woman charged into a restroom. A girl's restroom.

First Ranma charged in without a second thought only to meet a mob of women inside. When they noticed the male presence they immediately became angry women and moved in to attack him. Ranma slammed the door shut before anything could happen to him and quickly moved to the drinking fountain. A splash of cold water later he was a she.

The now redheaded and quite female boy quickly moved back to the restroom before the thief had a chance to pull out. He threw the door open and moved in. The women inside immediately looked up with angry scowls. "What? Do I need an ID?" she called out pulling her shirt open revealing her bust. The women inside stared for a few seconds, but soon returned to their former activities.

The readhead moved in and started to scan everything for the thief. Akane saw where Ranma entered and followed him with the goal of finishing the whole deal and to give him a good lecture. Inside she found Ranma among quite a crowd. The part time boy was busy searching the place to find the Tendo's bags. The only place she didn't dare look were the toilets. That because of a very good reason. "Akane could you help me a bit?" she asked.

The girl understood but she had a much better idea than to just look into every single cabin. "Ok everyone!" she called out loud enough for everyone to hear. "Someone here stole our travel gear and we want it back! Her boyfriend is already resting with the police! So the thief better comes out before I ask Ranma here to break down every door."

Not much after the call the doors of the stalls were opened. One after the other as the ones inside exited hastily. They for sure didn't want to get caught in the happenings. Some other women took up post at the door guarding it to prevent an escape. Sure. She had no chance to get away, but it was better to be safe than sorry. In the end only one single door remained closed. It had the woman with the stolen goods behind it.

"Ok we know that you're there!" called out Ranma. "You better come out before you hurt yourself!"

By now the woman with the stolen luggage recognised her bad situation and tried to climb out of the toilet cabin she was hiding in. She decided leaving the catch behind was the best option. It was better than to face the music. She wasn't successful. Halfway to her goal she looked up to Ranma standing in her way. A victorious smile was plastered on ther readhead's face. "Going anywhere?" she asked The woman gulped. She jumped back into the relative safety of her stall.

"Thought you can shake us by hiding in the women's bath did you?" asked Ranma.

As if on sign one of the suitcases bursted open to reveal non other than Happosai the great founder of the Anything Goes School, and most perverted man alive. "What a haul!" he yelled and immediately jumped onto his poor victim. A female scream followed as he immediately went to "work" and nested himself onto the thief's bosom. Her scream of panic could be heard across the entire airport.

After that complete chaos broke loose the woman who kept hiding till now slammed the doors of her retreat open and fled while trying to get the old freak off. Of course she had no success in that till the lecherous martial arts master decided that it's time to move onto a new target. The screams of total and uncontrollable panic immediately alerted the security people of the airport. There also was a second group. The members were waiting for a certain couple that was just boarding a flight to the Carribeans with two one-way tickets and hundred million dollars cash in their suitcase.

The fight in the restroom continued at full speed. Ranma tried to rip Happosai from yet another poor woman with moderate success since the old man immediately attached himself to the part time girl. Ranma punched Happosai on the head several times, but it was no use while the freak took the blows without being hindered one bit. He didn't even flinch the tiniest and kept hanging on. In the end the "boy" gathered all his power and with one incredibly strong punch he forced the old lecher to let go.

In fact the punch was too strong. Happosai bounced around in the room like a hyperactive rubber-ball. Wrecking everything in the process. In the end he crashed into a washbasin that got totally annihilated. The pipe carrying warm water was ripped open, spraying warm water across the heavily damaged room. Within seconds Ranma was once again male.

What followed was only good to boot the chaos. With the appearance of another guy in there the women in and around the restroom went ballistic. Within seconds an angry mob was formed with the goal to beat two males to the afterlife. It was then that the airport security people finally made an entrance along with their machine guns. They were accompanied by a couple of guys wearing suits that screamed government spook.

The angry mob immediately disassembled at the sight of the guns and everyone who could was making a getaway, but those who were still within the room had no chance to escape. Considering that an armada of various guns were pointed at them there was not even the slightest though in the heads to make a run for it. Even Ranma came to a hold when the business end of and M-16 was showed into his nose. He knew he was tough, but he didn't want to try his chances at bouncing bullets.

Of course there was a single exception. Happosai once again got away.

"Great going Ranma, I knew I can count on you to destroy our vacation!" grumbled Akane as she was handcuffed.

"Hey, it wasn't me who invited Happosai!" countered the boy.

"You let that thief steal that bag in the first place you pervert. If you had just paid more attention we wouldn't be here."

"Ya know I kinda had my hands full!" countered the boy staring angrily at he girl.

"Yeah, you were probably staring at some girl! Pervert!"

"Tomboy!"

"Lecher!"

"Flat chested macho chick!"

"Jerk!"

"Slowpoke!"

"Stupid ass!"

This is how the two were led out of the toilet. In fact the only thing keeping Akane from using her fists were the handcuffs. Although, judging from the dents on the police accessory it was the last time it was used. Then the fight suddenly died down when she became aware of the corridor that the people around them were leaving so the officers can lead them to wherever hey were heading.

The two teenagers were lead into the staff area of the terminal. One of the guards took hold of her hands behind her back. He was shocked to see how the cuffs were dented and decided to remove them before she was hurt by some accident. It took just a few seconds for the girl's brain to think the worst. She went berserk. The handcuffs were no match for her newly found strength and broke into bits. With her next move she delivered the biggest slap of the century and the poor man was on the ground unconscious. A couple feet from him a newly removed tooth landed on the floor.

"You pervert!" she hollered and moved in to attack. The security people tried to hold her back, but it was no use. The over-angered female easily shook them off and moved in on her victim. Ranma groaned and decided to stop the girl before she really gets herself into serious trouble. The handcuffs were hardly any problem for him and broke at his first attempt, then he proceeded to grab Akane before she could actually kill the poor man.

"Let me go you pervert!" she yelled at Ranma who was doing his best not to let her do something that she will for sure regret later on.

"Stop it Akane this is for your own good. He's not a martial artist! You'll kill him." he yelled at the raging girl. However there was not much success. Actually he had no success at all in calming her. In fact the girl became even more vicious. "Listen to me Akane the sooner we get this over with the better. We were only arrested because of a misunderstanding the sooner we make this out the sooner we get back on our flight." he reasoned.

Much to Ranma's satisfaction Akane seemed to calm down somewhat after this speech and he slowly let her go. The girl slowly turned around to face him with her eyes fixed on the ground. Then she erupted. "That pervert tried to touch my hip, and who knows what he was planning, besides! How dare you touch my thigh you PERVERT!" with that she gave out her last slap, at least for the time being.

On his short flight across the air Ranma remembered for a second that his leg accidentally came into contact with one of Akane's no-no areas. _"What a TOMBOY!"_ hollered his mind as he landed.

No more incidents happened as the two of them were led to their destination. The security men didn't dare to do anything else than to show the two where they should go. The destination in question was a large jet that seemed to be private owned. More exactly, a room on that jet that was set up like an office.

Everything was in neat order and there was not even the slightest trace of any kind of dust or dirt. In the middle of the room there was a huge writing desk on which everything was assembled that a high ranking leader would need. Of course even here everything had its proper place. Everything was clean, neat, ordered. Even the pencils were neatly put next to each other with finest care.

Suddenly the room was filled by a strange beeping sound. It was alarming, urgent, and to some extent annoying. Ranma stared at the source. It was coming from the huge map that was dominating the wall behind the desk. Ranma also noticed that there was a pulsing white light blinking on the map. A few seconds later it faded along with the sound.

"One of our agents got killed in Cairo. He was such a great guy. He'll be greatly missed." remarked a male voice.

The couple in the room immediately turned around to see a man in a black suit. He was short and a bit chubby, and wore a moustache that already started to become silver because of his age. His hair was also traced by several silver locks, but just as the rest of his body it was neatly kept in order. On his face was plastered a huge grinn. "Good day! It's great to see you two! I see you like my office." he said as he made his way to his chair.

"Move it man we have a plane to catch before my tomboy of a fiancée decides to crack my skull." remarked Ranma earning a warning glare from Akane.

The man laughed. "Perfect cover! Perfect! Who the hell would think that under the guise of a couple of irritable, irresponsible children you can find the finest agents, we, the good old CIA has to offer!" he remarked.

The teens stared in disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about?" asked Akane who was quite a bit shocked at what she just heard.

Ranma was searching for the hidden camera. He couldn't find one."We aren't even American!" he added.

"We are just simple people!" Akane retorted.

Her pleas fell onto deaf ears. The man once again laughed turning to her. "Come on young lady you and your husband aren't our best for nothing. If I was informed correctly you are a class A close range combat expert, negotiator and diplomat, weapon specialist, bomb specialist, botanist, chemist, master of potions and medicine, deep sea diver, marine assault specialist, and master of seduction and deception. That's quite a list! Heck you're by far our best female agent." The teens in the room simply stared. To point it out better Akane stared and Ranma tried not to laugh at the thought of Akane and the things mentioned.

"You probably meant master poison brewer, and skull breaker!" he remarked. The next second he was decorating the wall. Next to him the huge map once again started to beep, and another white spot started to pulse marking another point of the world.

"One of our agents in London has been caught. She was such a swell gal she'll be missed by everyone." Remarked the man before turning back to business. "Great! Great! Any new abilities can come in handy!" he continued as if nothing had happened.

Ranma almost had his mouth open. "You call the breaking of a skull ability!?" he asked.

"Come on don't be jealous, your abilities are also something to brag about. I mean you are a master of guerrilla warfare, your are a paratrooper, mountaineer, ace fighter pilot verified to know how to operate all kinds of fighters, master of camouflage and acting, you got the license to operate tanks, rotary aircrafts, civilian and military sea vessels, aside from that a lion tamer, an acrobat, a second Dan sword fighter, fifth Dan tai chi, kung-fu, aikido, shaholin, jujutsu master, and a volunteer fireman. That list is something to brag about!"

"Ok this is getting really strange." declared Akane.

The room was once again filled by a beeping sound. "One of our agents in Nevada has been caught. I'm so sorry for the lad, he had such a good style." remarked the man with a sigh. "Come on guys I'll brief you while I show you your gadgets."

The two teens decided that it is for the best if they go along with the man for now. It wouldn't be too good if the guys find out that they are in fact not secret agents. As they left the map once again stated to beep. "Hey Mr. Boss one of our guys has been caught in Dutch harbour!"

"Oh shut up you pervert!" growled Akane.

To be continued...


	2. Out of the Pan into the Fire

For anyone trying to sue me (the others can jump over it): This story was solely written for my own and other people's amusement and I don't get any benefit from it. (For people with fewer brains: I don't get any cash, loot, money, green etc. from it.) All the characters (except those I made up for this story) belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Thank you.

Thank you for the reviews and yeah both of them were right. I did pack way too much into the first chapter, and it ended up quite chaotic. But I couldn't find a better way to give an idea to the reader of what I planned to do with the story. It will be a cliché fest and I'll try to make a joke of anything and everything. Laughter all the way is my goal here. There will be not one sane character in here! I did do a better job with Whispers in the Wardrobe where even the title had a joke in it. Too bad I can't republish it on my new account without getting accused of plagarism.

Although one thing I did find a bit irking. How did I steal from Cars 2? I'm not a big fan of Pixar. In fact I hate their stuff. Toy Story, the first one, was the last of their movies I remember watching. Besides we are on FF net. We are all using other people's stuff. XD

With my thoughts out of the way here's the second chapter. Hope you have fun!

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 **Chapter: 2 Out of the pan into the fire**

* * *

"Where the hell is that boy!" grumbled Genma Saotome waiting for his son and Akane to arrive from fetching their stolen travel-gear. The plane was due to leave within twenty minutes and he didn't like the idea to leave out on this little trip. Especially! After he heard about some Thai tourist attractions, like snake spirits and special foods just to name a few.

"I'm sure they'll be back soon. They are probably delivering the thieves at the police." reassured Nodoka. For once she didn't have her sword at hand. Though it was still neatly put away in her luggage and destined to be packed in the belly of the plane.

The two fathers looked at each other pondering if they should go to look for their elusive children or not. Then their faces brightened. "Tendo, do you think what I'm thinking?" asked Genma.

The other father turned to his friend. "You mean if Akane and Ranma would be left behind because of some sort of incident..." started Soun Tendo with his eyes brightening.

"...they would be forced to live under the same roof alone..." continued Genma.

"... and by the time we're back..."

"...they'll beg us that we let them marry." finished the part time panda grinning wildly.

"Everybody were getting on the plane!" declared Soun.

"Yay! It's been about time!" agreed Nabiki.

Nodoka entered without any words partly agreeing with Genma's idea. "This will give Ranma and Akane a good chance to practice for their married life," she thought, forgetting about a few problems. Like Akane's cooking, like the fact that they were leaving their children at the airport, like the fact that they'll be mad for being left behind.

Kasumi wasn't thrilled by the idea but her comment was just the usual "Oh my."as she also moved on towards the entrance shaft.

* * *

At the same time Ranma and Akane were staring in awe as they walked across the huge lab that was built into the plane. Clerks and people in white coats were comming and going, not paying them much attention. As they reached a window they registered in horror that the plane was already on the runway in preparation for takeoff.

"First thing first." called out the man accompanying them "We'll give you a complete medical check-up. We are sending you into the lion's den so to speak. So we need to make sure you are in top condition."

"Listen to us! We are not secret agents!" the girl pleaded.

"We aren't even American!" added the boy.

The man laughed. "That is grand! If you ever give up this life you should go into the movies! Now for your job! You'll be positioned in a resort of Phuket on Batango Beach. You'll be masquerading as a millionaire yakuza couple on their honeymoon." the spymaster grinned. "You like the idea don't you!"

He laughed.

Ranma couldn't believe it. "For crying out loud we are not working for you!"

"In light of your cover-up and the difficulty of your mission you'll get every benefit and then some. You'll have a driver's, pilot's, scuba diving, license along with fishing, and hunting permit. The hunting permit includes lions, elephants and most important people." the spymaster smiled at his own words. "You'll get a number of credit cards with no limit on them including Visa, Mastercard and American Express..."

"We don't need that! Where are you taking us? More importantly when and how can we get home?" Pleaded Akane. She did manage to get the man to stop and think. She hoped that he finally got the message.

Then the man started laughing.

"Don't want to listen to the menial things eh! Great! A true patriot! I'll put that into my report!" he answered. Ranma facepalmed. He couldn't believe it. The man continued. "I'll cut to the mission."

"We'll send you against a guy called Lop Chen Chor. He's hard, he's dirty and he's dangerous! So be careful! Extortion, murder, weapons, drugs, prostitution, human trafficking. You name it! He's in it! He's also got the Chinese triads covering his rear, and he's hell of a martial artist to boot. The cops simply can't put anything on him that a court would recognise. In short he's a slippery bastard. Normally we wouldn't really care. By CIA standards he's small fry. Problem is that with his last move the guy exceeded the Godzilla threshold. Two times over!"

"So he's a major crook. What did he do to upset you guys!" asked the boy.

The spymaster took a deep breath. "That's a bit embarrassing. Well... with things heating up in Korea. The head hochos decided to give the southerners a little ace in the hole. Just to help them out in case things really went hot." he grinned. "With Pyongyang and every other shithole they call a city flattened north should lose the will to fight soon enough. We had a few warheads lying around from the cold war that we didn't want anymore. So instead of disarming these nukes we gave them to the rice peddlers. I'd say an economic decision."

Ranma wasn't really the type to follow the news but the word nuke did ring a bell. Akane simply went pale.

"Of course we couldn't deliver the things ourselves. We wouldn't see the end of it if the commies as much as got a whiff of it. So we crated the firecrackers, and put them on snail mail. The companies were told they were delivering depleted uranium rounds. Turns out one of them took a sneak peek. We lost four! According to news Chor has got them."

"Shit!" came Ranma's comment.

The spymaster nodded. "On the bright side the shipping company is out of business. Permanently!" the man laughed at his words. "They wanted to feed us that pirates got their ship. The idiots! Our intelligence people did some digging around. That's how we know who has them. Problem is that we don't know where the warheads are exactly. If we make an open move we could lose the trail entirely! Though, we do know where he wants to detonate one of them. As much as I don't care about foreign cities going up, we can't let them fuck up an ally's capital."

"So where is it going?" asked Akane.

"Tokyo!" came the answer.

She wished she didn't ask. Whatever else was said afterwards was lost to her.

The trio reached a door where the man stopped and turned to them. "Okay the meds inside will go over you. Once they give the all green I'll be back to give you your toys. Then we'll throw you into the grinder!" With a laugh the spymaster casually turned and left them there.

"Hey! Mr. Boss." Ranma called after him. "Why the hell does he want to blow up a whole city? And why the hell Tokyo of all places? Who pissed him off that much?"

"Ah that..." answered the man without even stopping or turning around. "Some idiot really got to him. He gave him a "buzz cut" the e-mail said. We're still working on that code. It was a guy called Kuna... Kuni... No, no... Ah Kuno! That's the name!"

The man reached the end of the corridor. He opened the door there. The teens stared at him in silence. He turned around and gave them the thumbs up, before closing the door leaving the two alone. The corridor was left empty save for the noise caused by people working in nearby rooms.

Ranma and Akane stood there in silence for several minutes trying to digest the news. The girl was first to shake herself from stupor. She opened the door that lead to the medical exam room. "Come on Ranma let's get moving!" she said starting to drag the boy along.

"Are you mad? Who knows what they'll do to us!" came the answer from the resisting boy.

"I don't care! Someone wants to blow up my home! If there's something I can do about it I won't back down." she declared. "You're afraid of a needle or something?"

Ranma didn't answer. For once he didn't want a fight. As much as he hated it the girl was right. Not doing anything to save people rubbed his martial artist's honour the wrong way. He followed her without a complaint. It soon turned out he was afraid of needles. For the next two hours the usual sounds of activity aboard the plane were periodically disturbed by his screams of terror.

* * *

Not far away the Boeing 747 that the rest of the Tendo and Saotome families were riding reached travelling height. The ride was smooth, calm, secure. There was just a little problem with the prize. Their seats were marked as third class. No luxury at all. Or to put it differently there were no seats. Everyone was standing packed in like a can of sardines. The only comfort was given by a set of handrails, which were quite similar to the ones you can find on bus or a train.

"This is a three hour flight!" growled Nabiki. "Someone is going to pay for this!"

She would have been very quiet if she knew that she could have ended up even worse. There was one class lower than that. Better known as no class. It meant riding on the landing gear or the wings. There are only a few who do that and can tell the tale after. Right at that moment a certain lecher was doing it. He was sitting on one of the wings. Now how did ne not only survive in the jet-stream ten miles up, but could also hang on at the same time. That's a different mystery. And the fact that he was having fun enjoying the view. That was just scary.

* * *

"I can't believe it! You're a martial artist! You're supposed to be able to take the pain!" grumbled Akane.

"Oh shut up!" came her answer from the boy.

The two of them were once more lead across the corridors of the plane. "It has to be said you were quite loud there." commented the spymaster in the lead. "I almost set the plane to battle alert the second time."

Ranma resisted the urge to retort. Instead he opted to glare at the girl next to him. In his fixation of trying to murder her with his sight he almost bumped into a clerk who was charging down the corridor with an ungodly stack of paper.

Their destination was something that looked like the workplace of a mad scientist. Tubes of different kinds and forms, electronic devices of all kinds were stacked across the shelves and tables. It was chaos. In the middle of the chaos they could see a man who was the epitome of the aforementioned insane research speacialist. The man wore a white coat that was simply too clean. His grey hair was a total mess, and his face held the most wicked expression Akane ever saw. "Hiya Jim! What did you whip up for our two friends?" asked the leader in a casual tone.

"Morning Boss!" called out the scientist with a smile on his face. "One sec and I'll be ready." the man in the white coat started to zip around the lab at a speed which he shouldn't be able to achieve.

The spymaster grinned. "I love this part!" he said, the edges of his lips almost reaching his ears. He leaned close to the teens and continued in a whisper. "Don't worry about Jim. He is a bit bonkers, but in his line of duty you have to be crazy. You can relax. The quality of his work is first class."

"I'd say he's completely out of it!" Ranma whispered back.

"Don't worry. He may be insane, but deep down he's a good guy!" answered the spymaster.

The conversation came to an end when the scientist slammed a box on the table in front of them. "Done!" he declared. Akane jumped in fright. Ranma was hanging from the ceiling.

The madman begun his show not paying attention to the fright he caused. Ranma had a hunch that scientist enjoyed it. "Today's menu, besides the normal stuff, includes the collection of our finest teas!"

The two teens looked at him not getting it. The spy boss was watching excitedly, like a kid at the candy store. The scientist continued. "But this is not your everyday tea collection. While you can use it normally just like everyday tea, it has a very good taste by the way, I suggest you are very careful. Especially with the one with red label! Prepare it in the normal way. Then put it in the fridge. When it cools down it becomes just like nitro-glycerine. The lightest shake, the tiniest flame and boom! It can make a large impression on the neighbourhood, so be careful. C-4 is a joke compared to it! The blue one becomes a high quality truth serum. Wait till it cools. Feed it to the patient, and wait for half an hour. He'll rat out anything, and tell you everything. And there's more!"

The madman pulled out a shoe. His face his lips twisting into a smile. "To you this may look like an ordinary shoe, but in reality this is our version of a Swiss pocket knife. Observe!" with that the man felt a bit around on the inside of the shoe, when found he pushed a hidden button. The blade of a knife burst into the open right on the nose.

Then he pulled his hand along the back of the shoe and revealed a master key, a miniature drill, a lighter, a beer opener, and several other things. He pushed a hidden button on the shoe and a hole appeared on it. This was the front end of a gun. Another hidden button and every sign that the shoe was pretty unnatural disappeared. "One more thing," continued the scientist. "Since phones are often confiscated when you get caught, we thought about installing an emergency phone in the shoe. Just don't forget that cell phones don't work in lead mines!" both the "Boss" and the scientist laughed like maniacs.

The other two resisted the need to shiver in fear. Not only were they about to be sent into deep trouble, but the ones sending them were apparently missing a few marbles.

The show was continued as the mad scientist pulled out a pair of mobile phones. "These little babies are the best friends of every spy! They know all the stuff the big comps can. I mean it literally. One hundred terra memory, ultra fast, newest bug free licensed software, satellite internet connection, A-farts connection in case you are bored, built in AFTA, hacking tools, video camera and photo functions. It also has hologramic display should you need a bigger screen. A real baby. And just in case it has a detonator inside. Just make sure to be well out of range! It has quite a punch!"

The mad scientist laughed. Ranma and Akane were starting to get sick. The explosives were starting to get too much for them.

"I almost forgot!" added the scientist. "These little babies DO work in the lead mine. Maybe if you are lucky! You know stranger things happened. Roswell and all... Now for the next one..." the scientist came to a sudden halt. "Oh... I almost forgot. Boss! I just had a chat with ambassador Glik'tan. Everything is neat and calm on Zeta three! He sends his greetings! He also invited you for dinner whenever you have some free time."

The spymaster's features softened. "That little grey guy, he's a real softie."

The teens stared. Both of their mouths hanging open.

"Okay back to business!" declared the scientist as he pulled out a bamboo sword. "To you this may look like a training sword. It can be used as a regular bokken but once you activate its special feature it becomes sharper than the best samurai blade. It generates a small plasma field to act as cutting edge. It's our version of the Jedi sabre so to say," the two adults laughed once more. The teens weren't in the mood to do that.

"And we still haven't shown you the biggest of them all!" laughed the boss.

The scientist soon joined in. "Yes that one is quite a masterpiece. Follow me I show you the beauty!"

The small group left the lab moving through several corridors to a lower level, and into a lab like garage. In the middle of it there was a pure white Bentley. "This is your ride!" declared the leader in a grandiose manner. He pulled out his gun. Akane went white, Ranma prepared to fight. However the man had a different idea. He shot at the car several times while laughing like a maniac. "Even the paintjob is bullet-proof!" he called out with joy.

"And that's not all!" joined in the scientist. "Along the standard equipment it has a special EMP pulse system to seriously mess up with electronics. The monster has miniature missile launchers, imbedded in the doors on both sides. The missiles can be used against air and ground targets. With some luck you may even knock down a fighter jet or two, furthermore..." and the scientist kept on droning about the weaponry and other features.

Akane glared at the boy. "Somehow I know this is all your fault." she hissed.

The spymaster laughed. "Still doing the act! Great job! Hell I bet you could even fool the ruskies! The poms, and the snail eaters would be releasing you by now! With compensation!" The mad scientist joined in and the two shared a merry laugh.

Ranma and Akane huddled up against each other. The whole ordeal was starting to become a completely different level of frightening. Overpowered martial artists, maniacs, otherworldly beings, demons. They could handle. But these men... both of them... They were completely nuts.

The CIA man finally calmed down. The two teens were still shivering. They knew one thing for sure. When they get out of this. If they get out. They will need professional assistance.

"Man! I love this job!" the spymaster declared. "Get in guys! Try the seats! You haven't felt luxury till you tried these!"

The teens were staring at him in a questioning manner, while the man ushered them into the car. Repeated protests later both were sitting inside. "So how is it?" asked the spymaster.

The two in the car felt cornered. "It is comfy, but we can't drive it." Ranma protested.

"Yeah, too bad eh? You got to read up all the information and familiarise yourself with the mission area. Don't worry the self driving function is fool proof. Just tell it where to go. It's all voice controlled. Just read the manual." answered the man. The boy was about to protest again. As he opened his mouth both he was stopped by a ringing phone. It was coming from the spymaster. Normal people usually hunt for their phone in their pocket. He reached for his shoe instead. The teens stared.

He put the shoe to his ear and apparently listened to someone speaking on the other side. His responses consisted only from an occasional yes or yep. After a couple of minutes he hung up. He kept fiddling around with it, his gaze fixated on a now visible touch-screen. "We are a go!" he declared when looking up.

The spymaster turned back to the teens. "Okay. Everything you need is in the trunk. The rest is at the hotel. I got to tell you two more things before we let you at 'em! First! Don't worry about searching for Chor or his people. We got him mad as hell at you. Expect his people! The morons! Second! Remember the medical check-up?" The teens nodded.

"We weren't completely sincere there. We lied about the cavity in your teeth. We used the chance to give you a neat implant. With the devices now embedded in your teeth and our GPS satellite system we can track you across the entire planet." he declared. "All your vitals can be monitored by us! Isn't it great!?"

Akane was shocked stiff. Ranma stared at the man. "You're insane!" he remarked.

"I know!" answered the man laughing. "But think of it! If you get into really deep trouble we can give you a hand!"

The words didn't assure any of the teens at all. They suddenly remembered the screen in the man's office too well. There was one question in Ranma's head. "Sir, um... what about if someone punches me hard enough, and I lose the tooth?"

The CIA man laughed. "It won't happen! The device will stay. It's well embedded and fixed to your jawbone."

"But what if the punch is really hard?"

The man chuckled. "Boom!" he said, while raising both his hands and making a gesture mimicking an explosion.

Akane's jaw hit the floor.

Ranma couldn't believe his ears. "What do you mean "Boom"?" he asked.

Both the CIA man and the scientist laughed. "Yes! Boom!" came the answer from both, followed by a laugh that would have made Kodachi Kuno proud.

"In fact, if those things went off now the only thing left of this plane would be ashes." added the spymaster amongst laughing fits.

Akane stared ahead completely frozen. Ranma was twitching not much better off.

The spymaster laughed. "Jim open the door!" he called out.

The room was filled by a sound that reminded the teens of heavy machinery. The rear wall of the room turned out to be a loading ramp. It slowly opened revealing the landscape miles underneath. At the same time the air was filled by the roar of the plane's engines. The duo in the car slowly turned around. All blood drained from their faced at the sight.

Before they had the chance to react they felt the car moving. "Have fun kids!" the man called out as the car left the ramp. For the first time in his life Ranma didn't care about what is manly or not. He screamed like a five year old.


End file.
